people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize