walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
