I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
itβs my vagina i can do what i want to
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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