I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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