it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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