Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was like getting head from an anaconda
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
