I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
