I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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