we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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