no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.