Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI

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  (415): I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI http://tfl.nu/f789
  Replies (3) Good night (814) Bad night (731)
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  (310): View more from California

  Ambien. No doubt about it.

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  (310) Ambien. No doubt about it. http://tfl.nu/jq44
  Replies (3) Good night (909) Bad night (458)
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  (858): View more from California

  Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.

  (858): View more from California

  i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents

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  (858): Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions. (858): i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents http://tfl.nu/ut40
  Replies (19) Good night (673) Bad night (2393)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?

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  (513): The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him? http://tfl.nu/pyyw
  Replies (23) Good night (6414) Bad night (752)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.

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  (715): he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut. http://tfl.nu/y3au
  Replies (13) Good night (4616) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.

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  (512): I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two. http://tfl.nu/pdyq
  Replies (10) Good night (1024) Bad night (3643)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.

  (818): View more from California

  And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.

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  (818): Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas. (818): And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you. http://tfl.nu/hyux
  Replies (14) Good night (5456) Bad night (1174)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame

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  (410): i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame http://tfl.nu/8cpc
  Replies (12) Good night (3456) Bad night (1299)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.

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  (505): My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help. http://tfl.nu/hde2
  Replies (18) Good night (3399) Bad night (1206)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.

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  (718): you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke. http://tfl.nu/vku6
  Replies (13) Good night (2914) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.

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  (919): All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on. http://tfl.nu/8snd
  Replies (15) Good night (5360) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.

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  (714): If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual. http://tfl.nu/13n4
  Replies (10) Good night (2440) Bad night (1243)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.

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  (717): I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/2l8e
  Replies (3) Good night (617) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.

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  (617): Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good. http://tfl.nu/gr5l
  Replies (1) Good night (695) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter

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  (807): i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter http://tfl.nu/p7cr
  Replies (2) Good night (312) Bad night (386)

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