Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something

  (818): View more from California

  its my fault though, i'm wearing tights

  (310): View more from California

  you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap

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  (310): that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something (818): its my fault though, i'm wearing tights (310): you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap http://tfl.nu/15rb
  Replies (22) Good night (3650) Bad night (970)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.

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  (919): I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment. http://tfl.nu/zj28
  Replies (25) Good night (3256) Bad night (1054)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls

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  (561): i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls http://tfl.nu/2rar
  Replies (20) Good night (3514) Bad night (899)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.

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  (908): Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim. http://tfl.nu/snt6
  Replies (21) Good night (1260) Bad night (4024)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college

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  (360): just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college http://tfl.nu/r8zm
  Replies (24) Good night (4774) Bad night (1048)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points

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  (210): Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points http://tfl.nu/hnze
  Replies (18) Good night (6724) Bad night (839)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...

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  (703): It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement... http://tfl.nu/l7x1
  Replies (8) Good night (2087) Bad night (1813)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.

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  (414): If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg. http://tfl.nu/31ua
  Replies (2) Good night (1431) Bad night (783)
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  (607): View more from New York

  just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out

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  (607): just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out http://tfl.nu/axwq
  Replies (5) Good night (1085) Bad night (706)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka

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  (775): If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka http://tfl.nu/1i63
  Replies (9) Good night (1727) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.

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  (203): How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things. http://tfl.nu/sk0c
  Replies (2) Good night (635) Bad night (955)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.

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  (519): Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth. http://tfl.nu/ne7c
  Replies (5) Good night (772) Bad night (456)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.

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  (210): It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings. http://tfl.nu/yuk8
  Replies (0) Good night (525) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.

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  (647): Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing. http://tfl.nu/usi8
  Replies (2) Good night (501) Bad night (190)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner

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  (717): Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner http://tfl.nu/3ogi
  Replies (6) Good night (255) Bad night (136)

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