Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.

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  (832): I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store. http://tfl.nu/hql1
  Replies (14) Good night (1373) Bad night (529)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.

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  (978): Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war. http://tfl.nu/fra3
  Replies (11) Good night (975) Bad night (3482)
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  (+66): View more from Thailand

  A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure

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  (+66): A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure http://tfl.nu/u013
  Replies (24) Good night (6800) Bad night (1714)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair

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  (630): the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair http://tfl.nu/rgwc
  Replies (17) Good night (1158) Bad night (4511)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal

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  (703): I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal http://tfl.nu/8ovb
  Replies (2) Good night (2041) Bad night (875)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.

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  (402): He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart. http://tfl.nu/f1o2
  Replies (5) Good night (2376) Bad night (1004)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.

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  (919): For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/ot7o
  Replies (2) Good night (2094) Bad night (754)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up

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  (404): You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up http://tfl.nu/mf69
  Replies (4) Good night (972) Bad night (1668)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..

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  (910): I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks.. http://tfl.nu/st44
  Replies (7) Good night (1804) Bad night (745)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing

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  (270): So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing http://tfl.nu/i92f
  Replies (5) Good night (1517) Bad night (638)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.

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  (502): He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on. http://tfl.nu/ri58
  Replies (7) Good night (1188) Bad night (520)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."

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  (914): Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover." http://tfl.nu/wk3b
  Replies (4) Good night (705) Bad night (469)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at

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  (716): Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at http://tfl.nu/gjoz
  Replies (12) Good night (692) Bad night (263)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.

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  (602): His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers. http://tfl.nu/dqr9
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (282)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.

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  (712): My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain. http://tfl.nu/1h8o
  Replies (4) Good night (308) Bad night (308)

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