Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If I go to jail what happens to my debt?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  You dont have to pay it.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm going to jail.

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  (908): If I go to jail what happens to my debt? (1-908): You dont have to pay it. (908): I'm going to jail. http://tfl.nu/9by4
  Replies (2) Good night (1448) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.

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  (209): I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store. (859): Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks. http://tfl.nu/01yd
  Replies (24) Good night (921) Bad night (3266)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.

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  (402): Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/fedc
  Replies (23) Good night (5995) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..

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  (412): you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby.. http://tfl.nu/7gz9
  Replies (10) Good night (3442) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.

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  (630): I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible. http://tfl.nu/8o92
  Replies (17) Good night (4614) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a pube in my fucking eyeball

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  (505): There is a pube in my fucking eyeball http://tfl.nu/0eb2
  Replies (15) Good night (872) Bad night (5163)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend

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  (775): she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend http://tfl.nu/wdj0
  Replies (8) Good night (1067) Bad night (1997)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did mom hear me barking???

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  sooo high. sooo many dog friends

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  (215): did mom hear me barking??? (267): oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one (215): sooo high. sooo many dog friends http://tfl.nu/gyg5
  Replies (7) Good night (3566) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.

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  (614): We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid. http://tfl.nu/h4jz
  Replies (12) Good night (2895) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.

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  (804): Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care. http://tfl.nu/7tzw
  Replies (20) Good night (1226) Bad night (4090)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser

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  (201): surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser http://tfl.nu/4p89
  Replies (5) Good night (432) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.

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  (424): Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus. http://tfl.nu/3sel
  Replies (10) Good night (1982) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?

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  (818): Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"? http://tfl.nu/rwp7
  Replies (4) Good night (1303) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?

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  (604): you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping? http://tfl.nu/kskl
  Replies (1) Good night (465) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.

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  (239): Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse. http://tfl.nu/h54v
  Replies (1) Good night (151) Bad night (587)

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