Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.