Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?

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(616): Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma? http://tfl.nu/rtd3

Replies (4) Good night (566) Bad night (2531)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.

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(715): went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower. http://tfl.nu/u1zb

Replies (22) Good night (8038) Bad night (1359)
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(619): View more from California

She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something

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(619): She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something http://tfl.nu/p4oj

Replies (31) Good night (999) Bad night (7436)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."

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(412): I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people." http://tfl.nu/j747

Replies (13) Good night (1944) Bad night (4758)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

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(302): I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/y6ds

Replies (12) Good night (5168) Bad night (1061)
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(630): View more from Illinois

This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax

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(630): This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax http://tfl.nu/k33t

Replies (3) Good night (1540) Bad night (780)
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(315): View more from New York

Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video

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(315): Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video http://tfl.nu/4318

Replies (10) Good night (2715) Bad night (749)
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(631): View more from New York

when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.

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(631): when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro. http://tfl.nu/xp1k

Replies (4) Good night (1509) Bad night (474)
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(317): View more from Indiana

I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.

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(317): I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child. http://tfl.nu/h99a

Replies (4) Good night (1032) Bad night (439)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.

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(203): We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed. http://tfl.nu/i2gt

Replies (1) Good night (1060) Bad night (414)
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(303): View more from Colorado

So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"

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(303): So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode" http://tfl.nu/uekw

Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (462)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.

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(306): it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do. http://tfl.nu/dtwv

Replies (3) Good night (586) Bad night (377)
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(317): View more from Indiana

This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.

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(317): This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3. http://tfl.nu/b4xj

Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (491)
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(214): View more from Texas

You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night

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(214): You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night http://tfl.nu/tn8h

Replies (4) Good night (887) Bad night (393)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support

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(404): I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support http://tfl.nu/236u

Replies (3) Good night (612) Bad night (316)

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