I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.