I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon