that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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