Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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