Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
