and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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