Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
