yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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