You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
