i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
