I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
