I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
