I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
