its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
