if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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