my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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