I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
