we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
