Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
