I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
