Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I smell stomach acid.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
