I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
