you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize