My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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