Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
