sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
