Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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