remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize