Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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