apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We had sex on a dog bed..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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