Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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