i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
