nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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