i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
