I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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