pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
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Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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