do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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