I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
