dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
