What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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