I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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