My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
