every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
