At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
