I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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