I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
