I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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