Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
