"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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