ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
