is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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