i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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