I wish I could teleport
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
