Im at strip club and am horny
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
