I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
