I heard we made out
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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