based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
