Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
