every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
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I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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