dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
