Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
