I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
