I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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