I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
