She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
